Leash of Faith

The grassy field stretched before me, unresponsive to my dilemma. My autistic son Nick was lost. My only help was the dog leading me. I felt doubtful. Could he really find my son? He knew what he was doing, but I was fearful he could still be wrong. But, I didn’t know where to go. My only choice was to trust him. That felt very uncomfortable.

Really, Nick was not lost. We were training with his new service dog, practicing tracking and we continue to practice this as often as we can. Someone hides with Nick while John or I used his dog Red to find him. The search starts with the bold request, “Go find it!” Once on the scent, the dog pulls me behind him. As I run behind, quietness and trust are essential, otherwise I can prevent the dog from finding Nick. We practice this search and rescue again and again to prepare for the time Nick might really get lost. We learn to calmly follow even though we feel frantic.

Spiritually, I need to learn this when I doubt God’s leading in crisis situations. I tell Him my need. Then, like a distraught mother panicked over her lost child, I continue my frenzied shouting, complicating the process. In mistrust, I yank at the leash, pulling in the direction that seems right to me, but really takes me off the trail God intends.

In Isaiah 42:16 (NIV) God promises his people, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths. I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.”
This promise stands with us when we find ourselves fearfully staring ahead at unfamiliar territory not knowing the way. God knows what He is doing. Just as our tracking dog has proven through always finding his boy during our practices, God’s leading is more reliable then my sense of direction. God sees the way to the end of the course and will lead us there.

Reflection question: What unfamiliar path may you be facing right now?

Begining of the Process

Home, but not sweet home right away, at least for the canine and feline family members. We left Ohio yesterday morning and got home late last evening. Red was a super traveler, snuggling up in his appointed spot in the backseat of the van.

Upon our arrival home, it took about 30 minutes to unload the van, but about two hours to introduce Red to Sneaker, get both of their nerves settled, and establish a tolerable turf between them. The exchange captured in this picture pretty much says what's been going on the last 24 hours.

Another mom with a service dog from 4 Paws has told me, "It is a process." Now I understand what she means.

Last night, this truth hit us like cold water thrown in our face. We had these grand illusions of bringing Red to church with us this morning and perhaps out to the restaurant as we celebrated Joey's birthday, but after our arrival to reality last night we realized that would be pushing it too fast. It would be like expecting someone to get started on their work day 12 hours after they have relocated from the place they were born and raised and thrown into an entirely different living situation. The words, "Take it slow to start with," from our training director Jeremy rang clear.

Yes, it is a process, and as I have learned in the fundraising for Red, I miss so much if the end of the process is all I focus on. There is much more peace for me and so much to be gained through being content with the process itself. An example I think of right now is my dad, recovering from his stroke under transitional nursing home care. The end goal is for him to be able to return to his living situation with my mom, but there is a lot of work in getting there. As I look at the process, though difficult, I see my dad's determination. I see my mom growing as she asks others for help through this. I see how we as a family are pulling together. There is so much in the day to day process of his recovery that we need to pull back to and learn from. The lessons we learn will condition us for the next thing we face.

Patience and waiting go against the grain of life, but a verse in Scripture makes it clear: "Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength." So wait we will. It makes us stronger.

Service Dog Training Day Ten: Graduation

Four months of fundraising, nine months of waiting and two weeks of training brings us to the day we have been waiting for: graduation with Nick's autism assistance service dog.

After the certification test at the mall, we, along with nine other families from across the country came back to 4 Paws for a graduation ceremony shared with the 4 Paws staff and foster families who had some of the dogs in their home for part of their training. It was a celebration for us all. Each family was brought on "stage" and presented with a certification certificate. There were rounds of applause for each service dog team. Smiles, laughter, congratulations and hugs were shared among families and staff. We shared final conversations over graduation cake and food, and said good-bye.

As we drove out of the 4 Paws parking lot for the last time, I couldn't help but feel a tug in my throat. I said to John, "We will never repeat experience exactly like this again." Even if we do service dog training again, it will not be the first for us, like this was. It will not be with the same experiences or group of people.

These two weeks of training, with both the ups and downs, are one of those moments in the life of disability that makes us thankful for Nick's autism. It is a moment of a rich observation of life that we would never know without special needs. We thank God for the blessing of those moments.

Now we pack and get ready to go home where yet another new chapter unfolds in this journey with our new family member. I think there will be more of those meaningful experiences to come. And a lot to learn as well.

Service Dog Training Day Nine

We felt the sobering reality today through a remark from Karen, the director of 4 Paws. "The first year of handling a service dog is not all fun and games," she said. "It will be a year of learning. It will be a year where you will make some mistakes." But she also assured us that in this first year we will become refined service dog teams.

And so with that advice, today we started the wrap up on training. This morning we practiced our final outdoor track and reviewed obedience skills. This afternoon we had class with several of the 4 Paws staff, including Dr. Suzanne the 4 Paws vet. Here she shows us how to do a general exam on a dog to check for problems.

We've gotten the information, practiced our skills, and tomorrow we take the dog handler certification test and conclude with graduation. Then we reenter the real world with the assignment of using the things we have learned. It feels a bit scary. Yet, it is reflective of a real life life principle: it is one thing to know something from book knowledge. It is quite another thing to take what I know and actually put it into practice. Putting that knowledge to work is what makes me grow.

Service Dog Training Day Eight: Special Sibs

The big test is coming in two days and we need to get ready. Our training with Red concludes with a public access test with Jeremy, the training director at 4 Paws. We have to show that we can handle our dog out in public. Upon doing so, we receive certification as a service dog handler.

Someone else has been studying these two weeks. That would be Nick's older brother Joey. The timing of training was tough for us considering Joey's needs. After 9 years in a K-8 small school, he was starting as a freshman in a big high school. After his first week in a new school, we were hauling him off to Ohio. We debated the options, but they were limited. Ultimately, we wanted Joey to be a part of an experience that he would probably remember the rest of his life. So often, in a family with special needs, so much attention is directed on the child with the disability, that the child or children that are typical can feel left out. This was a time we didn't want Joey left out. We love that he's with us. He has done his best to keep up with his studies, doing some of his schoolwork with us while we are in class (above left picture) and in the evening when we get back to our hotel.

A special needs sibling myself, my instinct has been to want to protect Joey from the challenges of living with a brother with a disability. Over time, however, I have realized that while there are challenges and losses for Joey, there are opportunities to grow in character qualities would not develop as well if his brother Nick were typical. As a parent, I want my child to turn out with respectable qualities. Ironically, I want to protect him from the challenges that are the place those qualities grow.

It seems this principle not only applies to special needs siblings. It applies to me to. Life difficulties seem to shape me up the best.

Service Dog Training Day Seven

I took my first solo practice run with Red tonight on a quick trip to Walmart. With no trainer to lean on, or even John there to back me up, I realized that while I know a lot more about handling a service dog than I did a week ago, I still have a lot of confidence to gain. And that's what it takes, practice, practice, practice. The trainers at 4 Paws encourage us to practice like this out in the public as much as possible while we are here at training. They want us to do this to expose us to situations that we just don't think of in the classroom. It also helps us to get to know the personality of our dog. In class, we can thus discuss the things we encoutered in the "real world" and the trainers give pointers on how to deal with it. With this, I have a heightened appreciation for cell phones and email which keep us connected with the 4 Paws trainers long after our class!

The big truth in this little illustration about service dog handling is that when we face, and not back away from, uncomfortable or new situations we grow the most. We become stronger and more confident.

On a lighter note along this same idea, I share pictures of at least two of the resident cats at 4 Paws: Zoe (in the blue chair) and Chloe (on top of the paperwork). They have been strolling among the dogs the past few days while we've trained. They live at 4 Paws to condition the dogs that go to homes with cats in them. It's a little amusing, but notheless along that same idea. The dogs' continuous exposure to these cats has prepared them for what could be a really challenging situation in their new home. It could be a lot worse had those cats not been put in front of them.

Service Dog Training Day Six

I'm at the store with Nick, just looking at at an item on the rack for a few seconds. Then I turn around, and he's gone. Panic kicks in. My heart racing, I run down the isles looking for him.

This has happened, more than once. Fortunately, we've always found him, but after today, we have some help, and a lot less panic to face. We went back to the mall to day and practiced tracking in a department store. One of us hid in the store with Nick, while the other, with guidance from a trainer, took Red on a track through the store to find Nick. Using a much shorter leash than an outdoor track, so we don't tangle up other shoppers, Red found Nick in about 45 seconds with each track we practiced.

Today we also learned different commands through which Red can help Nick with behavioral and sensory issues. In the first photo on the right, John is pretending to have what could be a crying or anger fit: what we would call a meltdown. Red intervenes with a "nuzzle" to distract him from this behavior.

In the pictures below, we are practicing the "over" command. Here we tell Red to stand over us and then go down on any part of the body where deep pressure is needed. Nick, like almost all children with autism, has a sensory integration disorder. These means that his way of sensing what is going on around him is distorted. One of the things that calms him is deep pressure. When Nick is overstimulated, hyperactive or frustrated we can use this "over" command to help calm him. At this point, Nick is pretty skittish with Red, just running up to him now and then to touch or pet him, so this command is something that we will have to work on over time. As their bond builds, Nick will be more trusting of Red to let him do this.

We also learned how to teach Red to respond to certain behaviors of Nick's, so that Nick can be corrected, or we can be alerted to intervene. For instance, Nick steals food from the fridge a lot. By teaching Red to "touch" (put a paw up on Nick to stop him) and "bark" (to alert us) whenever Nick opens the fridge, Red is doing what he can to stop Nick and let us know that Nick is getting into trouble. Again, we will be successful with this once the bond builds (a process that takes several months) between Nick and Red, and Red is more observant of what Nick is doing.